But, I have so.very.much swarming around in my head that I thought I should finally get it out. Do you ever have so many words to say, but you don't blog because putting it down (letting it escape) seems so utterly exhausting? I am a questioner, an (over)analyzer, a seeker. It gets me into "trouble"...with myself. Things have slowed down for me.... After struggling so much the past few years with uncertainties in our life, I feel like He has and is bringing us to a season of peace. It is amazing. It is! And there is so much that goes into that story. So much heartache and struggle and pain. But, He was there all along and I always knew that. And, yet, here I am...
When I should be rejoicing and enjoying, I am uncomfortable. It's like I got used to being the "rock" when things were rough...as a wife and mother, that does seem to fall on us. I know that God made women to be strong and able to hold the workings of a home together. I love that He made me that way.
My husband has started a new job and is seeking new direction with his schooling and we feel like we are moving in a good direction. We have learned and grown so much. And the peace is a relief...
But, I find myself searching and aching for what is missing. I feel like I'm wandering through my days trying to find my direction because I am no longer feeling like the glue holding him together while he finds his.
And really, now, I have too much time to think! My four year old is so much like me. Lately, he has been asking me about Heaven. And he's afraid...He is trying to grasp the concept of Heaven and eternity at four years old. And I ask him to try not to worry as we talk about it. "Just be little as long as you can."
I can relate so much to his questions-beyond-his-years. I remember feeling those feelings and wondering those same things...and sometimes I still do.
What is the meaning of it all? How do I live the joy-filled life that He has for His children. How do I let go of the sadness and pain that I see others experiencing...because if effects me on such a deep level that I don't know how to let it go sometimes.
I know that HE IS ENOUGH and I choose to EMBRACE this life that He has blessed me with.
"He is before all things, and in Him
all things hold together."
Colossians 1:17
3 comments:
I overanalyze everything, too...and it is exhausting. I'm reading "Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness" which is written by a buddhist {and I am Christian} so while some of it I don't agree with {reincarnation} there are so many amazing insights in this book to help let go of negative thoughts, tips for meditation, and motivation to live your life with more compassionate and loving thoughts...which expels your more negative/worrisome thinking. It has really helped me looked at things/people that formerly made me anxious/angry and let that negativity go, in order to be happier. Anyway, Happy Friday, my friend!
Oh, my dear, you are still the glue...and you will always be the glue...that's what wives and mothers are. Not to mention, you are glue in MY life! I don't know what I would do without you! I've come to depend on your encouragement, compassion, and knowing that you are praying for me and care so much. And I'm so thankful that you are entering a new, peaceful time. I know what you need to do....make a list like mine! That will give you some new direction! Love you!
Hey, I'm stopping over from Casey Wiegand's link-up. I can relate on the over-analyzing part. Most definitely. I think myself in circles all too often. This post was touching and it's inspirational to read about you letting your emotions and honest thoughts out. I'm so happy I found your blog and can't wait to read more.
katelyn-innervision.blogspot.com
- Katelyn
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