I finally did it late tonight. I went through their clothes hanging and stuffed in drawers. The fact that there were clothes stuffed in drawers is so me and so not me all at the same time. I thrive on order and organization; on everything in it's place. It makes me happy and content. And yet there comes a point sometimes where I let something go (like the drawers with the clothes.) I wonder why this is?
As I started touching and folding the clothes, too small for one and yet too big for the other, it made me sad. Sad because I "know" these clothes and yet I feel like I've forgotten. Like I've forgotten how I got to this point of my first baby being 4. It's like I can't recall much of the last few years and it pains my heart a little. Is it motherhood and too little sleep...and does that mean it will come rushing back to me someday. Or is it the stress and pain that our family has endured over the last few years...?
How come I try so hard to live in the moment each day... and yet I still feel like the memories are forgotten. Lost somewhere within me....
I'm just going to let this be. I'm not even going to proofread it. I've decided to just write....
11 comments:
my mom had a yard sale at the beginning of august, and i went through all the boys' old clothing. i was a big, sobbing mess. i knew they would never wear the stuff ever again, but i just couldn't force myself to get rid of some of it.
my first born is twelve. someday your will feel like you have forgotten moments. but i promise they are still there. the smallest thing will cause them to come rushing back such as a curious little smile, a smell a feeling. they are there.
don't be sad just keep soaking in each day.
xxO
This made me cry. I have felt that way so many times - like I was sleep walking through how fast my little one grows up.
Then a memory comes flooding back out of the blue... an I realize they are there, somewhere.
I totally understand your feeling! I'm sure they aren't lost forever ! sending luvs
xoxoxox
♥Pieces of Luv
i worry all the time i've forgotten the most important things. and then i wish i would have been better about documenting everything. but then i start documenting everything and i realize i'm not actually living the moments because i'm so afraid i'm not capturing them. i feel ya.
I'm glad you're taking so many pictures...that's a great way to keep those memories alive. You should make books like I do every year....and you're such a wonderful writer, you could put pictures and stories about your boys. You could keep them and give them to your boys someday! check out www.blurb.com
Thanks girls for understanding! Motherhood is such a crazy tug of war sometimes...and yet it's one of God's greatest gifts!! I wouldn't have it any other way :)
This was perfect! I often feel like I am forgetting too much of my children. Forgetting our moments together. The cute little things they say and do. I'm just holding onto as much as I can, thankful for all of it!
xoxo
beautiful, just beautiful.
I want to cry every time I pack away clothes my 3 month old has ALREADY outgrown. I think, "What if I never have another boy to wear these clothes?" or worse "What if I never have another baby?" I think it is so good that you are taking so many photos of your boys...the photographs will help you remember. :)
Pain? I don't know what you speak of or what you've been through these past few years, but the mention of pain makes me sad. You are such a lovely woman and mama, inside and out. I hope Jesus is healing you and your family!
Someday we need to meet up, for reals!!
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